Saturday, August 12, 2006






I have yet another tale to tell...

I can only now write about it... But two weeks ago, it was too close to the heart...

My husband returned from England in the wee hours of the morning and had to go into work early for the day before our departure... He gingerly kissed our wee daughter as she slept and went in to debrief his collegues on his trip while I started to pack for our two week adventure...

My daughter awakes up with a horrible stomach ache. My daughter has a very high pain threshold when it comes to an illness, so when she says she is in pain... It is always serious. She asks for a freezee as her stomach is so sore. I give her the freezee, she takes a few bites of it then returns it to me... The freezee is not cold enough... How about some ice??? Ice is colder than the freezees she reasons...She gobbled a bowl of them up... and while she was eating her ice she is fine but 20 minutes later, with no ice, she is in exteme pain...
She screams in pain...

It baffles me and I think it could be the appendix, I make the decision for hospital vs doctor...
Long story short...
The doctors at the hopsital were baffled in the first five hours of our stay, as all her vitals normal... but this pain... that could only be cured by ingested ice..
They ruled out the appendix... It was not a whole list of things...
Through all the checks that they were doing on her, I thought that it could be just a weird virus.

Anyway... enter young whippersnapper doctor new on the shift... chin jutted forward, posture of taking on the world instead of taking in anything around him...
He has a point to prove.
He wants to show the world of medicine how worthy he is with his bimbo nurse with the tongue ring that causes her to slur her sentences...
He utters, dear reader...
he utters....
that may daughter may have
cancer...

C A N C E R

He then has his nurse's full attention and me in suspended animation...
My heart stopped...
It just stopped...
I look at my daughter...
I look at him...
I look at the nurse who seems to be squealing with importance of being associated with him reiterating all he has just said she repeats with conviction what the moron has said...'Cancer, doctor?'
I am weak in the knees...
I can not speak...
I can not think...
And then reason...
I need a second opinion of someone less cock sure and someone who in in no need of an audience...
I am surprised that I that i can muster the words,with conviction and I am not shreaking down the passageways...'I want to talk with your superior, Now!'
His chin juts out further, as does his chest...He postures over me with a old style fraternity look. A calm of knowledge that he is a doctor afterall... and he knows of what he speaks...
He then just walks away, leaving me there to breath, to think and to pray.

I then go and call my husband at work...
I take in a gulp of oxygen and call him and I have to utter what this 'doctor' has said to me...
My husband takes it in and is on his way...

My heart is racing...
Nooooooo.....
I keep pacing my breath, I keep looking at my baby...
I keep saying it is a mistake... It is a mistake...
All her vitals are normal...
I do not get how under a urine sample they could make such an assumption...
I see my old crumudgeon of a doctor that I saw initially... The head of emergency... He sees me after I corner him with the news that his fledgling brought to me...
I ask for him to re-examine my daughter with this 'new found knowledge' from the idiot that poses as a doctor...
He examines my daughter...He then says there is a mistake...He apologizes for the idiot. He tells me that he will be dealt with...
He then tells me that things were said that should not have been said...
My daughter, albeit sick... maybe with a bladder infection... but nothing more... He believes that she should be observed at home...
He'll call me by Tuesday with the results of her tests...
My poor husband was caught in traffic and for an hour he thought our wee one was soooo sick...
It took my only 43 minutes to find out differently... 43 minutes of suspended animation...compared with his 67 minutes..

The ole reliable doctor read me, and knew what all moms need to know...he called me that night so I could sleep, he called to say it must be viral as there was NOTHING in her tests...
And luckily by Friday morning it did just that... It passed...
But only after a valley of tears from my husband and mine silently held close to my heart...

I was so excited to get into our rented van and take up our trip far from the confines of the city...
We had an absolutely glorious time...
I did all I was hoping to do...
I read three books, I painted, I wrote, I fell asleep to waves beating on the shore, I cooked, I played a mean game of badminton, I had bon fires under the stars, I wished on falling stars, I ate burnt marshmallows, I felt dew on my feet in the morning, I saw hummingbirds, I saw hawks, I body surfed, I laughed at many joyous moments, I endured a terrific storm with a power failure where we played board games by candlelight, I met some pretty terrific people on the beach, chased our naughty dog around fields of buttercups,I played mini putt, i played bocci ball, I toasted many,many, beautiful, glorious sunsets, I had many bottles of wine, I sang old tunes and new tunes, I danced... And all the while... I kept thinking how wonderful life is... how it was not really all about I ... But us... How all three of us enjoyed so many things together...It truly was a great family vacation...

I returned home on Friday and quickly paid you all a visit... I may not have commented on all but was happy to touch base...

And then Saturday, today, I got the call...
Rita waited for me to return...
She died on Friday afternoon...
I will go to her visitation with Harvey tomorrow and her funeral on Monday...
I wonder about the meaning of things a great deal...
I wonder why or how Rita lasted until my return...
Somethings are not meant to be answered, they are just meant to be...
And with that in my heart, I will go one last time to Rita and to utter how lucky I was to have embraced the moments I have had with her to her family...
and I was truly blessed to have the honour of being her friend until the end...

I do not know what lessons I needed to learn in the past month. But maybe it was just a refresher. A reminder that life is so very precious. Things happen that I can not take control over. There are things that I can not change. Things that are predestined. But hopefully I have the courage of heart to face all with love and compassion.

41 comments:

Oh, The Joys said...

Welcome back and .... (speechless). So sorry for the total lack of tact and good sense of the young, *sshole doc and for Rita. So glad to hear that the trip was wonderful.

Jodi said...

I am so glad you had a nice trip. that young Doc needs to have his "license" ripped up and burned. That was a very very cruel that he said to serve his ego. I really hope you write a scathing letter by the way!

You are such a good story teller. I just know you must be famous! You are awesome. i love your writing. So glad you had a nice vacation, you certaintly deserved it!

hautemama said...

That is very disturbing. I can only imagine the senseless heartache you and your partner went thru. I am so very sorry for your loss of your kindred soul. Thank goodness your angel is healthy <3

Stephanie said...

OMG - I am so sorry that you had to have such an awful experience at the hospital. That idiot should be fired! Thank God your daughter is ok.

chelle said...

WOW! What a horrific experience. That man has a lot to learn about being a doctor! Very relieved to read that your daughter is ok.

Sorry to read of your friend's passing. Hugs.

sunshine scribe said...

Welcome back.

I am so very sorry to hear about Rita. She was lucky to have you in her life.

And that doctor! That idiot doctor! I do hope they "dealt" with him. That must have been terrifying but I am glad your sweet child is okay.

Nikki said...

Oh God. I was so scared for you about that Doctor. SO furious.
I'm so glad that she's okay.

So glad the vacation was wonderful.

So sorry about Rita.

virtualsprite said...

Wow... what a roller coaster. I'm so glad your daughter is okay and I truly feel for you with the doctor situation. I hate that they feel the need to make mothers panic. We do so much of that anyway.

And my sympathies on Rita.

Andrea said...

Welcome back.

Hopefully, your old doctor friend took care of the young doctor's ego and attitude with a swift kick. And a good dose of compassion classes, if there is such a thing. I do know that bedside manner is tested on the medical boards doctors have to take as interns. If he's super young, maybe a failing board will shape him right up.

Sorry to hear about Rita. You've done a wonderful thing writing your memories of her here. That's the stuff of remembrance, and it's important.

Pattie said...

First of all, I am sorry about the death of your friend.I know how important she was to you (hugs)
Second, I am horrified to think that a "doctor" would say such a thing. How heartless and irresponsible. That just makes me crazy. How could he not realize the power of his words? I was a Pedi nurse in my life before kids, and I must say I am speechless that a physician would throw the word Cancer around like that to a scared parent, and not realize the impact. To cause unnecessary grief....is unforgiveable. I am relieved to hear it was nothing and that your little one is feeling better.
On the positive side of things, it sounds like you had a wonderful vacation! You may be right, though...all the expieriences this week may be a reminder to not take life for granted. Thanks for passing the message on. I just yelled at my kids, so I sure could use a little reminding right about now! :)

Christina_the_wench said...

Welcome back, hun. I am glad everything is ok with your daughter. And I am really sorry about Rita. =(

Life is VERY precious. We all need to remember this.

Catch said...

What a beautiful post. I can imagine the terror you and hubby were feeling when that idiot Doctor said the "C" word. I would say he is one of those people who sees the glass as half empty. God bless your little one and so happy to hear she is feeling much better and no more pain.

Your vacation sounds heavenly...it was just what you needed...esp after the Emer Room visit.

I am sorry about your friend Rita...she is with the angels now.

heres a little joke you might appreciate...

What is the diffence between God and a doctor?????

God doesnt think he is a doctor.


Im happy you are back, I missed your comments. Huggs

mama_tulip said...

Your posts enchant me.

I'm so sorry to hear of the death of your dear friend. You are in my thoughts.

I am dumbstruck at the doctor's quick diagnosis. I'm really sorry you had to go through that and I hope he was dealt with properly. Karma's a bitch, I hear.

Your vacation sounds lovely. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.

Wendy said...

I'm so sorry about Rita, and so relieved about your daughter. I think I would have put that doctor's balls in a vise for scaring me like that.

Babaloo said...

May your friend be at peace now. I am very sorry for your loss.

Your vacation sounds amazing, the perfect family get away.

Your story about the hospital and the cancer scare had me riveted. 43 minutes and 67 minutes are much to long to endure the smug diagnosis of and idiot. I guess some solace (for me reading) is hoping the young doc learned some humility and will learn to handle with care in the future.

Welcome Back!

Flame Lilly said...

Dear Pendullum,
Wow...what a rollercoaster ride. I'm so glad to hear that your darling girl is healthy and that you were able to REALLY enjoy your vacation, with a new found appreciation for life! Sorry too about the loss of your dear friend! Thanks for the birthday wishes!

Mrs. T said...

Why is it that some young doctors have such amazingly large egos? And why did his nurse have a tongue ring, for the love of god? I hope your daughter is feeling much better and that there are no repeats.
I was so saddened by the news of your loss. It's a terrible thing to lose a friend- like having a part of you cut off.

Mrs. Chicky said...

Welcome back.

Amazing stories! I'm shocked by that doctor's knee-jerk diagnosis. Horrified, actually. I'm so glad to hear your daughter is well. And I'm so sorry about your friend. I know you will miss her.

However, it sounds like you had a wonderful time on your trip. So many ups and downs! I hope the highs were higher than the lowest low.

NYCbeauty said...

I hate doc's. I was told to have a hysterectomy for that reason and then I got a second opinion and it was benign. God complexes. Assholes. You write compellingly. I'm sorry for your loss. The cycle of life is sometimes too much....
xo
jw

crazymumma said...

Ohhh honey....Anne

kim said...

wow ... just wow *big hugs*

im so sorry about rita and at the same time im relieved for her :(

you should follow up on young doc and make sure he actually learns something from his huge screw up ... i hate when people like that get away with crap and go on to do it over and over ...grrrrr

Teri M. said...

Whoa - down then up then down... you've been on the proverbial rollercoaster, most definitely.

I add my deepest condolences regarding Rita.

Kristin said...

I don't know what to say... when I read "cancer" in your post I felt as thought I was going to throw up... I can't imagine the shock you went through and how tempting it is to go back to the ER and bitch-slap the hell out of Dr. TinyPrick.

I am sorry about Rita... I am glad you had the chance to know each other.

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

What a horrible thing to say to a mother! To anyone! That doctor should be punished. He should know better than to say something like that, plant a seed of worry, when there is nothing to back it up. I feel for you and what you must have gone through.

Sorry for the loss of your friend.

Lisa

Lisa said...

I am SO SORRY for your lost.

And that doctor was a complete moron. Hope he got his butt chewed out. So happy your daughter is ok.

cameo said...

damn lady - what a ride. keep hanging on tight. all my best to you and yours. SO thrilled your baby is well. so happy you had a wonderful time with your loved ones.

Kevin Charnas said...

Again...wonderful post. I'm COMPLETELY PISSED AND WANT TO STRANGLE THAT ASSHOLE-DOCTOR!!! And, I'm THRILLED that you all had such a wonderful time and that your daughter is fine.

And, I'm glad that Rita waited for you, that you were true to her and that she had you as a friend.

Life's perspectives, when it comes down to it, there's really not a whole lot that matters...is there?

Dirty Birdie said...

Welcome back from what sounds like a soul cleansing vacation. I am sorry that idiot doctor scared you to death. Cancer isn't a diagnosis to be made lightly and he should know better. I am so so so sorry you and your husband had to endure that.

I would have cold cocked the bastard. LOL

Robin said...

I would so totally call the chief of medicine of that hospital and have a meeting with him/her and report this. That doctor was unprofessional,rude and plain old stupid. No apology in the world would be able to erase my anger at him. IDIOT!!! Who the hell did he think he was to casually throw out CANCER?????

I would contact every single person who is connected with him and report this. The medical association should know too. He will do this to someone else because he seems like he enjoys it.Psychopath that he is.
PLEASE,PLEASE follow up on this.

I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend,Rita.That must be very difficult even though you were kind of prepared. I don't think we're every really prepared.

Mommy off the Record said...

That doctor is an idiot. How awful to have been told that in such a casual way--only for them to say it was a mistake! WTF?

Also, my condolensces on Rita's passing. I'm sorry for the loss of your dear friend.

Moobs said...

First of all, thank goodness it was all alright. Secondly, that doctor needs a good spanking. I can't believe you managed to write about such an ordeal with such compsure. You are a special person.

JLee said...

wow..that knocked me in the gut. My daughter was in the hospital at 1 1/2 yrs of age and they didn't know what was wrong...very high fever, convulsions. It turned out to be just a urinary tract infection, but I don't think there is anything worse than something happening to your child. I think you should sue that damn hospital!!!

Blonde Vigilante said...

Miniture heart attacks with the daughter.

Fabulous vacation.

The loss of a friend.

Life just throws such crazy uncontrolable things our way. I'm glad you have found a peaceful way to handle it.

Mimi said...

I am glad the ass of a doctor was wrong and supposedly dealt with! I do not see how he could have come to that conclusion so early. But even if he was right he should not have said it in front of your daughter. And I do not think a nurse should be allowed to have unusal pierceings like that either.

I am glad you had a good trip. Sorry to hear about your friend.

Pink Drama said...

i'm glad your daughter is healthy. i know it was really scary that no one could figure out what was wrong. i've been through that with my mom. sorry to hear about your friend. my thoughts and prayers are with you during this time of grief.

kristi said...

what an emotional rollercoaster you must have been on!!!! Glad to hear that you had a good trip.

bananas62 said...

Wow! Great and powerful post!
First: Doctors should learn compassion, I don't believe it can be taught.
second:Glad to hear you took full advantage of your vacation to truly appreciate everything wonderful life has to offer. FAMILY first and foremost!
Third: I'm very sorry for the loss of Rita. She's no longer in pain.

Gingers Mom said...

That is terrible. I have had some doctors do such things to me as well. It is horrible and insensitive and they don't really care what you are feeling at that moment. I am so sorry you had to experience that. I am SO SO glad your little one is ok.

Pendullum said...

As a follow up... I have sent a letter in to the hospital to voice my 'concern to the hospital president, the board of Directors and the Head of Emergency...

Harvey and I went to the funeral home and with the six degrees of separtation... I knew one of Rita's sisters but never knew them as sisters... and it was more painful in knowing that Rita's brother died just six months before her... with cancer...
Leaving the parents and the grandparents...

Thank you all for your heartfelt best wishes... They meant a great deal to me.

gandhi rules said...

I'm moved by your experiences. I'm disappointed in how easy it was for the doctor to stab fear into you for his own ego. sucks.

Billychic said...

You are so lyrical in your posts - in your storytelling, sweetheart.

I'm thankful that your wee one was okay in the end (poor little mouse, that must have been awful pain) and I hope that young fraternity brat doctor had his nads raked over the coals for his ignorant attempt at practicing the medical profession...

I'm also so sorry your friend passed away, but I'm glad that you are at peace with it.

The drama of the past month and a half has been a lesson for me to learn how to let go to the cosmos...but it is a lesson I'm still fighting - not intentionally, but I'm fighting nevertheless.
You explain this lesson in such a wonderful way...and just reading your blog has made me feel better.

Big hugs.