Man,I Feel Like A Woman???

Nothing like getting together with some galpals and breaking bread. It had been a long time. I am the only one with a kid and therefore my girlfriends built the whole night around me.They are all still single and they get together all the time. I am the one who is out of the loop. I was grateful that they were building the night around me. It made me feel special and wanted. And dare,I say it???'Carefree, childless and husbandless...'
it was a bit liberating to just be plain ole me'

I got ready. I even let my hair down,I put make up on. I dressed in an 'unkid friendly' way!
My daughter enters the bathroom and exclaims 'Momma you look beautiful!' This sends shivers down my spine, as I think of a http://dribblingwitt.blogspot.com/2006/06/just-click-your-heels-together-three.html.

My husband follows her, hears the dialogue between the two of us and then interjects with 'No, hon you look good in a GOOD way!' which translates into' No, Hon you do NOT look like a HOOKER!'
So, with one more look in the mirror, a double check for wallet and keys, I am off to the races.

I walk briskly up the street clicking my high heels and feeling invigorated. A night out with the girls is just what I need. A pit stop to refuel for the day to day.

I wait at the streetcar stop and then head on ...

Now, I have been in a bartender in my pastlife. I know the drill. I know that at one drink you, may tell me a story, but at 8 drinks I become the most gorgeous woman in the room. Liquor does that to people.
I walk onto my streetcar and there are three guys who have had at least 15 drinks each and I am the only woman on the car.

They start to scream... 'Ohh, my gawwd!!! Guyssss!!! Cannnnnn you believe it?'
'Can you believe our luck?'
'I know that she lived here at one time! But Fuck! It's her! It's heeeeeerrrrr!'

'Mother-of-God, not AGAIN!!'! think I!

They then belt 'Shania, come oooooon give ussssssssssss a soooonnnnnng!!!.
They start to show themselves as loyal and true fans,of mine, by 'singing' and crooning all of Shania's repetoire.
And as the serenade continues, I stare out the window, willing the streetcar forward to put myself and the other patrons out of the Shania Mania misery that has ensued.

As I am pushing the streetcar forward to telepathy. I watch a woman at the stop ahead. She is in her early twenties. Her hair has recently been cut into a bobb as she keeps trying to put her hair behind her ears and it keeps falling off its target. She is reading a hardcover book. She is carrying a yellow, burlap bag that has buttons stuck on the straps. She occasionally looks up to see how far the streetcar has inched forward.
A man in his early twenties runs up the street. He is in a rush. He is bouncing from one leg to the other . He is late for something. And he is preoccupied with the bouncing as if the streetcar will reach him faster if he bounces faster and shows his anxiety.
And then, dear reader, he sees 'my lady'.
He sees her...
and his world stops...
You can actually see the world stop!
He stops bouncing. And he just stares.
My streetcar lurches forward. It lurches to an abrupt stop.
Which causes my fans to stop singing... The say, Wellllll Shannnnnnniaaaa, this isssssssss oursssssssstoauuuuupppppp... Ev'n iffff you are a snob we sssstilll love ya kid...
and with that the leave me with "Man I feel like a woman!'

The young lady boards my streetcar along with the young man in tow.
They sit in the seats directly behind me just recently been vacated by the Shania fan club.
The young mand musters the courage to ask her what she is reading.
She replies that it is just a book of poetry...
He knows the poets and lists off a few that he likes... and they are off to the races...
Our streetcar is now going at lightning speed and we enter the subway before we know it. The exit in front of me and I follow at a respectable distance down to the subway.

They stop abruptly.

and she says...Well, I am going west'
Ohh, says he... I am going east
Well, says she, That was nice... See you around...
Ahh, yeah, It was nice.

And with that she heads towards the westbound platform and he is in front of me walking down the stairs for the eastbound platform...

'I am staring at his head. I am putting in all me telepathy... What are you doing man???That WAS nice????'
'Where are you going?????'

And then he stops halfway down the staircase.
He is fumbling with his pockets. He is looking for something... What??? A Pen ? A paper?

I can hear the subway breaks screeching...'Idiot, What are you doing???' My heart is racing!!!

Ahhh, he finds what he is looking for... His Businesscard!!!

He turns around abruptly and runs up the stairs, three steps at a time!!!

I rush down....

I look across the medium for the girl going west... She is not there??? Ahhh, there she is but I hear the subway... Where is he???
I see him. He is looking for her. He sees her. He runs. He reaches her. He taps her on the shoulder.
She smiles.
He smiles.
He gives her his card.
And then my subway arrives.

I board.
I am Euphoric?????
Yes, I am Euphoric!!!!

I meet my girlfriends and relay the story to them.
They are good friends who know the fine art of listening.
They only interject with...
And then????
And then???
Awwwweeee!!!!
And did he???
Ohhhh...
and,
YES!!!!
We had a wonderful time.

And at the end of the evening my girlfriends serenade me to 'Man, I feel Like a woman!'
Man, that woman has fans everywhere! Who would have thunk???

What Advice Do You Follow???

As a kid you are given endless pieces of advice... There are pieces that stick and there are those that just fly by...

There is a great deal of my life that is twinged my gaelic superstition...
Like you NEVER put new shoes on a table...
Itchy nose... Means you are going to have an argument or your going to be kissed by a fool... So if you do not think you are going to kiss the person you are with, quickly shake their hand so your ties of friendship may not be broken through the argument...

My homicide detective dad would cringe as his mother would bestow such advise... and then go into his own diatribe..Like if a guy is asking for directions do you give him directions?

The answer is no... For what the hell is a guy asking for directions of a girl for... The jails are littered with guys that succeeded in getting directions...Men are what fill jails... And it is not up to you to figure out which ones are the good guys...

and if he would then go on with if I ever found myself to to be lost... I was to only go to a mother... find a mother and ask for help...A mother is a whole lot easier to find than a cop... And a mother will help...

These pieces have filtered down to my parenting even today...Even the shoes...

When I was a young girl and just embarking on the dating game my mother turned to me and said'Don't get me wrong, your father is a good man.... But NEVER.....NEVER....Depend upon a man for your happiness... That comes within you. Be self reliant.'

When pregnant, I was told a mother instinctively knows where it is best to have her baby. hospital vs. home... And that a mother should always go with their instincts.

When discussing labour my best friend who was the first survivor of kidney cancer in New York told me... 'Never have a clock near you when you are in pain... Do not look at a clock... Do not think of time... Just deal with the moment. And you can get through anything.'

And now I want to know from you dear reader what piece of advice you have been given that you follow...

Or that you give...

I have yet another tale to tell...

I can only now write about it... But two weeks ago, it was too close to the heart...

My husband returned from England in the wee hours of the morning and had to go into work early for the day before our departure... He gingerly kissed our wee daughter as she slept and went in to debrief his collegues on his trip while I started to pack for our two week adventure...

My daughter awakes up with a horrible stomach ache. My daughter has a very high pain threshold when it comes to an illness, so when she says she is in pain... It is always serious. She asks for a freezee as her stomach is so sore. I give her the freezee, she takes a few bites of it then returns it to me... The freezee is not cold enough... How about some ice??? Ice is colder than the freezees she reasons...She gobbled a bowl of them up... and while she was eating her ice she is fine but 20 minutes later, with no ice, she is in exteme pain...
She screams in pain...

It baffles me and I think it could be the appendix, I make the decision for hospital vs doctor...
Long story short...
The doctors at the hopsital were baffled in the first five hours of our stay, as all her vitals normal... but this pain... that could only be cured by ingested ice..
They ruled out the appendix... It was not a whole list of things...
Through all the checks that they were doing on her, I thought that it could be just a weird virus.

Anyway... enter young whippersnapper doctor new on the shift... chin jutted forward, posture of taking on the world instead of taking in anything around him...
He has a point to prove.
He wants to show the world of medicine how worthy he is with his bimbo nurse with the tongue ring that causes her to slur her sentences...
He utters, dear reader...
he utters....
that may daughter may have
cancer...

C A N C E R

He then has his nurse's full attention and me in suspended animation...
My heart stopped...
It just stopped...
I look at my daughter...
I look at him...
I look at the nurse who seems to be squealing with importance of being associated with him reiterating all he has just said she repeats with conviction what the moron has said...'Cancer, doctor?'
I am weak in the knees...
I can not speak...
I can not think...
And then reason...
I need a second opinion of someone less cock sure and someone who in in no need of an audience...
I am surprised that I that i can muster the words,with conviction and I am not shreaking down the passageways...'I want to talk with your superior, Now!'
His chin juts out further, as does his chest...He postures over me with a old style fraternity look. A calm of knowledge that he is a doctor afterall... and he knows of what he speaks...
He then just walks away, leaving me there to breath, to think and to pray.

I then go and call my husband at work...
I take in a gulp of oxygen and call him and I have to utter what this 'doctor' has said to me...
My husband takes it in and is on his way...

My heart is racing...
Nooooooo.....
I keep pacing my breath, I keep looking at my baby...
I keep saying it is a mistake... It is a mistake...
All her vitals are normal...
I do not get how under a urine sample they could make such an assumption...
I see my old crumudgeon of a doctor that I saw initially... The head of emergency... He sees me after I corner him with the news that his fledgling brought to me...
I ask for him to re-examine my daughter with this 'new found knowledge' from the idiot that poses as a doctor...
He examines my daughter...He then says there is a mistake...He apologizes for the idiot. He tells me that he will be dealt with...
He then tells me that things were said that should not have been said...
My daughter, albeit sick... maybe with a bladder infection... but nothing more... He believes that she should be observed at home...
He'll call me by Tuesday with the results of her tests...
My poor husband was caught in traffic and for an hour he thought our wee one was soooo sick...
It took my only 43 minutes to find out differently... 43 minutes of suspended animation...compared with his 67 minutes..

The ole reliable doctor read me, and knew what all moms need to know...he called me that night so I could sleep, he called to say it must be viral as there was NOTHING in her tests...
And luckily by Friday morning it did just that... It passed...
But only after a valley of tears from my husband and mine silently held close to my heart...

I was so excited to get into our rented van and take up our trip far from the confines of the city...
We had an absolutely glorious time...
I did all I was hoping to do...
I read three books, I painted, I wrote, I fell asleep to waves beating on the shore, I cooked, I played a mean game of badminton, I had bon fires under the stars, I wished on falling stars, I ate burnt marshmallows, I felt dew on my feet in the morning, I saw hummingbirds, I saw hawks, I body surfed, I laughed at many joyous moments, I endured a terrific storm with a power failure where we played board games by candlelight, I met some pretty terrific people on the beach, chased our naughty dog around fields of buttercups,I played mini putt, i played bocci ball, I toasted many,many, beautiful, glorious sunsets, I had many bottles of wine, I sang old tunes and new tunes, I danced... And all the while... I kept thinking how wonderful life is... how it was not really all about I ... But us... How all three of us enjoyed so many things together...It truly was a great family vacation...

I returned home on Friday and quickly paid you all a visit... I may not have commented on all but was happy to touch base...

And then Saturday, today, I got the call...
Rita waited for me to return...
She died on Friday afternoon...
I will go to her visitation with Harvey tomorrow and her funeral on Monday...
I wonder about the meaning of things a great deal...
I wonder why or how Rita lasted until my return...
Somethings are not meant to be answered, they are just meant to be...
And with that in my heart, I will go one last time to Rita and to utter how lucky I was to have embraced the moments I have had with her to her family...
and I was truly blessed to have the honour of being her friend until the end...

I do not know what lessons I needed to learn in the past month. But maybe it was just a refresher. A reminder that life is so very precious. Things happen that I can not take control over. There are things that I can not change. Things that are predestined. But hopefully I have the courage of heart to face all with love and compassion.