Monday, April 23, 2007




It Will Come Back to Bite You!


Sixteen years ago I attended the wedding reception of Jim Cambell to his beautiful bride Emma. We were not invited to the service as they chose to elope to the cheesiest place on earth. They wanted it to be as campy as possible and I imagine that they did not want witnesses who truly knew them in attendance, as maybe we would forever judge them on the powder blue ruffled tux,the Elvis minister or the corny promises made in some Temple of Love. But this is want Emma desperately wanted,so Jim aimed to please.

Jim, wanted to marry. Emma could have done with out it. She knew she loved Jim and she knew they were building a wonderful life together. Emma never envisioned the bridal party dream of silks and satin, she knew her heart was true and her love; her quirky love for Jim would last forever. But Emma also knew that her Jim desperately wanted to have a reception a few weeks after their elopement, after the honeymoon, and so she relented to a lavish 'Jim themed' reception to please her true love. The elopement was her gift to her shy self and the reception would be her gift to Jim to share with their friends.

But Jim, also happens to be the cheapest man on earth. He is not frugal but cheap.I would say he finds the word frugal to be too dear of a word for what he is and how he lives. He had notions of how money should be spent and how it can be saved. His notion of a wedding was having everyone together; ambiance, atmosphere and food were really inconsequential.

So with his frugality or with his firm insight as to what he wanted from his wedding reception, he chose to have his reception in a downtown food court, in a mall, on a Sunday, when all stores would be closed.

I had a second guess at the invitation and the location. I can honestly say I have never been to a food court wedding before...and I probably will go through my entire life without attending another. But there was not a mistake and a memory of a food court with orange trays will be molded in with the couple for their entire lives together. I doubt any of us will remember the food, the drink or what the couple wore. I know I will not remember any of the speeches but I think I can safely say,no one will ever forget attending the food court wedding of Jim and Emma.

Jim was so proud with the money saved on the venue and the food. He boasted at how affordable his wedding was.He even had extra money for a karaoke machine. He did not want dancing. He wanted singing.

Now, Jim did not really size up who would be attending his wedding.He did not think of all the comic book artists, and animators and their solitary lives. He could not envision that his friends would not be smitten with the notion of having of karaoke machine. He did not factor in that most of his friends were shy and reserved. He did not think of the uptight, high fashion house colleagues of Emma would not unwind on weekends with a few tunes. He could not fathom anyone not having a secret desire to belt out a few Barbra Streisand or Elvis Presley tunes.

He did not have a back up in case his plans fell a rye. His entire reception was based on the machine and he truly did not take into account of his strictly conservative, self conscious, crowd who were in attendance. No one had a secret longing to be a Broadway singer or a rock star.

But Jim did not see this at first. Jim was giggling in anticipation of all the songs his friends might sing. He had a few up his sleeve as well. He could not wait to sing a few of his songs. He was like a kid. He truly believed everyone had a song. And he was so keen on his ultimate party favour.

After the speeches he could not contain himself. He leapt up and sang a few of his songs he obviously had practiced before the fateful day. He thought his machine would have line ups. He thought there would be people clamouring to sing duets. And to his surprise everyone went out of their way to avoid the the foreboding machine. And with certainty everyone avoided eye contact with the groom as he belted out 'That's Amore' to his beautiful bride.

Everyone kept to their food court tables. No one had any desire to give their best shower song for the echoing sound of the mall and her crowds.

And since there was no entertainment, my husband and I had our table balancing spoons on our noses. And taking up challenges, from our fellow table companions of who could keep their spoon balanced on the edge of their nose the longest.

Jim tried to make eye contact with us but we firmly avoided his looks by concentrating on our spoons.

We watched as Jim began scrambling.
Someone!
Anyone!
Jim went to a few tables where people were looking like they needed entertainment of a song but none took the bait. They were really into basking into the ambiance of the food court.

He finally made it to our table where we were all giggling at how clever we were to have spoons balanced on our noses. He grabbed my husband who dropped his spoon from his nose.
He pleaded with BoyWonder. 'Come on ya gatta have a tune you have always wanted ta saaaaang?'
A BoyWonder just answered 'Weeeellll? No!'and began to lick his spoon again.

'Comme onnn...I am begging ya here...'

Jim fell down on his knees for dramatic effect clasping his hands in prayer with the microphone and looked pathetically up at my spoon clad husband.
My husband relented. 'All right then, and you owe me BIG time!'

BoyWonder grabbed the mike from Jim who sighed a big sigh of relief and walked over to the machine to cue up the first song. My husband remained seated at our table and began to sing. Boy Wonder started off meekly, he started to sing slightly off key. But he slowly started to get a groove happening as no one seemed to be in want of the machine. And our spoon table was cheering him on.

And through just a bit of encouragement, my husband started to get a groove happening. He was living some deep, dark, dream of becoming a lead singer... He started to get a groove, he sang his best Frank Sinatra.
And then, ohhh, and then; he started to experiment with his voice, he started to impersonations, he tried a Scottish accent to 'Whole Lotta Love' by Led Zeppelin, followed by an East Indian accent to The Beatles 'Drive My Car'...and then topped with a Maritimer accent to 'She shook me all night long'...

I was horrified... There was no getting him off the machine. People were coming over to our table with requests.. Each enjoying the next song more that the last... I could not decide if my husband was a Ethel Merman,Tony Bennett, Don Knotts or Paul Lynde.

They, this wedding group who I hoped I would never see again became his adoring public. Swooning with laughter and in song as my husband sang through out the night. And saving Jim and Emma's food court wedding.

I was looking at him and telling him this was going to come back and bite him.

These are typical stories of living with BoyWonder. He is quick to laugh and has no problem mocking himself and all around him.

Recently I was with my daughter at a dental appointment. We had waited months and months to have an appointment with this particular dentist.He is looked upon as the best dentist in the city for children and his affiliation as the lead dentist for a world re known children;'s hospital has put me at ease as I have a fear of dentistry. I had been told that he had excellent bedside manner and this is definitely what I was looking for in my kid's dentist.

We entered the office and were greeted by our dentist. And he put the two of us at ease. He had a a great sense of humour and had my daughter in a fit of giggles through out the examination. He examined her mouth and shared her love of Ringo and suggested maybe 'branching out' and watching a few Elvis films.

And then he did it.

He started to sing. He started to sing songs that were vaguely familiar... He started to sing and it jostled somehing in my very core. it gave me shivers. I had heard these songs 16 years ago.He started to sing, and of all things, seemed to impersonate my husband while cleaning my daughter's teeth.

He couldn't have been there... How would he know Jim and Emma?

But he kept on singing sounding more and more like my husband sixteen years ago.

I looked at him. And certainly could not believe my ears.

I decided to gulp down my pride and take the strange plunge of six degrees of separation.

'Do you know Jim Cambell? ' I ask.

And with that the singing stopped. My dentist turned to look at me.

'Do I know Jim Cambell? Do I know Jim Cambell? Well, Heck! Yeah!!!' and then he laughs. 'Great guy! Cheap. But great guy...'

'Were you? Were you, at Jim and Emma's wedding?'

'Yeah.. You know Jim and Emma? They are a great, great couple... Gawd that was along time ago!'

'Yeah they are great. Haven't seen them in a while...' I retort.

Haaaa! Do you remember that CRAZY guy at the wedding? he laughs.

'What crazy guy are we talking here?' I ask hoping 'it' will just go away.

And then he got up from his chair and pulled off his mask and began to impersonate my husband, hand movements, body gestures, eyebrow moves and all. My daughter held captive in the dental chair and me sitting next to her watching and gasping in disbelief.

As the dentist was giggling and singing 'Drive My Car'.

I could feel my face turn various shades of red.

'You remember that guy? Gawd... I have been impersonating him for years!' he snorts.

'Really! Well, that guy, that guy, is my husband...'

'He's your husband? Really? You're joking! He's your dad?' Pointing to Scooter in the chair. 'That guy is 'a classic.' I have been singing his versions of songs for years!'

And with that, the dentist turned to my daughter and said 'Your dad is a genius...Sheer genius'

So sixteen years later, it has come home to bite ME. As there is no living with him.

The dentist is dying to have us over. He, no doubt has a karaoke machine and we are in for an evening of sheer entertainment as BoyWonder is in the house.

81 comments:

Domestic Chicky said...

Classic! I would pay to have seen that and been there. Can we expect a Boy Wonder tour anytime soon?

xo
Dee

carrie said...

No Way!

And to think, all this time, the famous wonderful kid dentist has been wooing his clients with his version of your husband. He should receive a commission.

Carrie

Tuesday Girl said...

So somethings just don't go away huh?

Yikes.

super des said...

This was an awesome story. But know that your husband has been vicariously entertaining folks for years.

Awesome Mom said...

That is hilarious!

Oh, The Joys said...

Wonderful! I think your husband would be great fun.

Kristi said...

You have just described my ultimate fantasy...begged to sing and then becoming the world's best lounge singer. Someday. Oh yes, someday.

mcewen said...

Perhaps we could all swap husbands for 24 hours!
Cheers

ablondeblogger said...

Oh my gosh!!! That sounds like something that would happen to me (putting my foot in my mouth..no pun intended, lol)

Too funny!

Mrs. Chicky said...

Wow. Six degrees and all that stuff. I would have loved to have seen your husband in, er, action.

Caro said...

A Food Court Wedding and a karaoke-singing husband.

You couldn't have made this story up.

I loved it.

chelle said...

hahaha You should accept a dinner date and let your husband belt them out!

Lady M said...

No way!

I didn't think there was a way to top a wedding reception held at a food court. But a husband-impersonating dentist, yep, that takes the cake!

Grim Reality Girl said...

Oh to be a fly on the wall!!!! Pen, I just LOVE your stories! Love them! I'm glad for everyone that he was part of the food court wedding. Boy Wonder saves the day!

Sean said...

I would leave a commment but my jaw has dropped so far it is flopping all over the keyboard. Beautifully beautifully told.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

THAT is some funny stuff. Your hubs is a legend....

Stepping Over the Junk said...

Oh my, that should be an episode of Seinfeld!!! I LOVE that!! You must have been dying! How random is that? But memorable!

Amber said...

16 years later it is still etched in his memory. Your hubby could have made it BIG as a wedding singer. A missed opportunity?...

Lawyer Mama said...

That is hillarious! Food court wedding with singing. Now I've heard it all.

I can see why you love BoyWonder so much.

Andrea said...

You lead the most exciting life, I swear! Only you, seriously. Coincidences just follow you around.

I hope dinner will be fun! Sounds like it to me.

Andrea

shoparound said...

Food court wedding? Considering my love of malls and such I wouldn't even go for that! ;) That is unique!

That is so random that the dentist was there for Boy Wonder's performace! You can no longer say that he's a legend in his OWN mind. ;) Very funny!

Kim Ayres said...

Wonderful!

BeachMama said...

Oh my word, that is hilarious! If Boy Wonder does it again you should surely get a video clip for us all to see.

Open Grove Claudia said...

Unbelievably small world. I am impressed that you didn't slink down and hide. Your guy must really have some talent.

You know there are contests here. He would make a buck or two in them...

Blog Antagonist said...

Oh my gosh...hilarious, and just a really marvelous story. Sometimes there are advantages to living in one of the largest cities in the United States. We don't often run into people we know, even out here in the burbs.

Christina_the_wench said...

Pend, you gotta get him to YouTube. Cmon. We'll take up a collection to see this.....

wayabetty said...

So you mean to tell me that there was not a drop of booz in the house either?

What a classic story Pend! I'm telling you, you should do a short story novel or something with your life experiences. I'd buy it but you have to sign it!

Thanks for your thinking of me on my latest post.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

Boy Wonder sounds like a lot of fun! Funny how those kind of things are never forgotten!


I have done karaoke once....and I was HORRID!

Ruth Dynamite said...

I love your friends for having a food court wedding, and I love your husband for being the entertainment. Don't they say that weddings share the love?

Dana a/k/a Sunshine said...

Oh yea your hubby SHOULD post a video on you tube. Too funny. You have the greatest way of telling stories. Love it!!!

slouching mom said...

That may be the greatest story I've ever heard.

Lisa said...

That is hilarious! Loved it!

Eryl Shields said...

I'm desperately trying to imagine a bunch of uptight fashion mavens at a food-court wedding with a kareoke machine: The Devil Wears Prada 2? Love it!

chichimama said...

Hee, hee! Oh, I am gasping for air from laughing so hard. And yes, you MUST go to dinner with the dentist! Perhaps you and your husband could work out a duet :-)!

mamatulip said...

OH MY GOD, this is hysterical. Any way you have that reception on film?

Virtualsprite said...

Oh, that is just priceless! Isn't it wonderful how life just comes and bites us in the ass!

I'm jealous... Nature Boy won't even dance at a wedding.

Catch said...

this is so funny! Your husband sounds like my kinda guy...the life of the party! How funny that the dentist was there! Scooter didnt know Dad was a star did she? lol

Mrs. T said...

What a funny story! You know, it would be fun to take your dentist up on his offer to get togehter, but it's probably a case of all the magic being spent on that one night, 16 years ago- hard to recreate.

Catherine said...

Scooter must be so proud. She's got a "genius" for a dad and a master storyteller for a mother!

Jess Riley said...

Wow!! That story is fantastic. It's one of those "if it were fiction, it might seem unbelievable" stories.

jen said...

this was terrific. i love it.

and a food court wedding? brilliant.

Sarah said...

I can almost hear him. That's a great story.

Elle said...

LOL too funny! My brother was the classic "wedding singer" at my sisters and our wedding. He's getting married next August... can you say PAYBACK?

Jodi said...

oh my goodness! What a small world! Boy Wonder owes you big time. Do you think he and the famous dentist will be on tour in our town this summer? :) :)

Pattie said...

Your story is another example that the world is an awfully small place!

Jodi said...

oh and I can truly say I have NEVER heard of a food court wedding. Interesting concept, that is for sure.

Gina said...

Hahaahahaaa! Thanks for the smile this morning!

Your husband and mine are similar.

Kevin Charnas said...

THAT'S FRICKIN' AWESOME!!! I would fly over JUST to go with you guys to that dude's house for dinner! That is just frickin' FANTASTIC!

Imitation, the highest form of flattery.

Boy Wonder is obviously a god.
And that would make you, a goddess.

Damselfly said...

How do you do it? You suck me in with your storytelling, and the story just gets better and better. In every post!

This is way too funny a coincidence!

urban-urchin said...

What a small world. Screw the dentist- I want to have you guys over so that Wonder Boy can entertain me!

parvenue writer said...

That is a great story! I have my own boy wonder. Hubby is a dancer, however, the kind that gets the group chanting his name between giggles as he shakes his groove thing. Like at my sister's wedding. Argh, the memories! Your story brought it all back.

Her Bad Mother said...

More votes for the BoyWonder world tour!

Humpty Dumpty House said...

This is possibly the funniest thing I've read in a while. My side hurts from laughing.

What a great blog to stumble upon.

K said...

As usual, the best stories ever!!!
You never see it coming!

I usually end up holding the bag for my Boy Wonder too, but Karaoke, only if a gun was pointed at his head.

Occidental Girl said...

That? Is amazing!

JLee said...

haahah...fantastic! Karoake is quite addicting once you try it ;)

Lisa said...

Laughing, laughing, laughing. This is an EPIC tale.

Rock the Cradle said...

Oh my.

I kept waiting for the train wreck...but you know, how rare is it that something that potentially unpleasant turns around into something that lives on years later, in an office, through the voice of a dentist distracting kids from unpleasantness?

Talk about full circle.

He truly is a Boy Wonder.

I need to go to the ER now. I think I cracked a rib.

sparksfley said...

Thank you for your comment. It is much appreciated. It's funny - just last night I was reading your entries, and thinking about how wonderfully you write. A shame I waited until now to tell you. You write beautifully.

Mandy said...

Your stories are so wonderful! I kept waiting to see who would be the brave soul! And what a coincidence to run into someone who was there, funny world. Also, thank you so much for your kind comments on my blog.

MamaLee said...

LMAO

What a great story! Just don't let your hubby wear a toga. Then it would be ALL over.

Webmiztris said...

It's really too bad you don't have any video of you husband demonstrating his mad karaoke 'skilz'...it sounds like a riot!!

Staci Schoff said...

Hilarious! And small world!

I eloped, but a food court... that's just too much. I so love people!

strauss said...

What an interesting wedding reception ;) The Food Court and plastic trays. I wonder if anyone else has done the same?
I might have thought that dentist was knowingly mocking my beloved - what a freaky conincidence.

kim said...

absolutely hilarious... it really is a small little funny connected world!

scribbit said...

It's like being married to a Saturday Night Live skit--people quoting him all over the place for years to come.

Mike said...

Terrific story.
But.....not an enviable position.
....
Once word gets round, he'll be approached for impromptu performances. In the street. In the queue at the bank. etc.
And sometimes, you're bound to be there.
You should prepare for this. Maybe some kind of chloroform spray.
....
I love the idea of having a completely crazy Frootloop kind of wedding like that. I sincerely hope that one day, I find someone who does too. ;)

Mike said...

Terrific story.
But.....not an enviable position.
....
Once word gets round, he'll be approached for impromptu performances. In the street. In the queue at the bank. etc.
And sometimes, you're bound to be there.
You should prepare for this. Maybe some kind of chloroform spray.
....
I love the idea of having a completely crazy Frootloop kind of wedding like that. I sincerely hope that one day, I find someone who does too. ;)

Jocelyn said...

Oh. My. God.

This has just made the cut for my hard-to-get-on list of Best Stories of All Time.

Slackermommy said...

Too funny! What a great story.

Da' Diva said...

that's great! rofl

btw thanx for stopping by my site. much love.

Kanani said...

Ah, now THAT'S a funny story!
Yes, I live in fear of Karaoke machines. I never know what'd I do --belt out a very bad Barry Manilow song, I suppose!

Jill said...

Too funny! You paint a great picture of the food court wedding.

something blue said...

If I could find a dentist that does impersonations of your husband singing karaoke, then I would look forward to a teeth cleaning. It is possible that it could be the reason that your dentist has such a great reputation!

amy said...

Great post and picture


Amys Random THoughts is having a blogging scavenger hunt starting Tuesday morning. Still time to sign up. We would love to see you there!

Gingers Mom said...

What a fantastic story! That is hilarious. What a small world.

sweatpantsmom said...

What a great story. I think we're all wondering where the YouTube video is of that food court reception and your husband doing a Scottish Robert Plant...

Rhonda said...

Ah, I have missed your wonderful stories . . . I'm so glad I stopped back in!

hautemama said...

Love it. Thanks for the great bedtime story again. You should have a reality show!

Michelle said...

What a great story - and it just goes to show how small the world really is!

Thanks for your comment on my "grains of gratitude post" last Sunday!

Qtpies7 said...

Thats a great post! so funny! You should have boy wonder do his singing and put it on youTube so you can put it on your blog and share it with your readers, lol.